Friday night I went with Joe, Rodney and friends to Hummel's for drinking and singing our hearts out. It had been a rough week, I'm very stressed with so many people living in my apartment, having a hard time finding a full-time job, finances going down the drain, shall I continue? I don't think so. What's the point is where I'm at right now. No one wants to hear my problems, no one has the time to hear my problems, so I keep them to myself for the most part.
But then Laura looked across the table at me Friday night, motioned me to come sit next to her and she asked me what was going on because I didn't look life I felt good, which I didn't. Next thing I know I'm voicing my woes to her. It felt good to say some of these things out loud to someone who was actually listening, sometimes you just have to have someone to do that with. But after we left and I thought about it, I felt guilty for telling her those things when we were supposed to be having a good time. I sent her an email this morning thanking her for listening and hoping I didn't bring her down but, once again, she was generous and thoughtful in letting me know if I needed to talk she was there.
Some excellent advice she gave me was to write my feelings down. I've never been a writer of feelings so that's a new venture for me. What if I write something that someone reads and it upsets them? Well, then they probably shouldn't be reading what I'm writing, right?
I'm just a mixed-up, confused 49 year old, single woman who keeps going around in circles, the same circles, over and over again while everyone around me (for the most part) moves forward. I try to be happy for everyone, try to treat everyone with love and respect, but sometimes it's hard to keep a smile on my face.
When someone treats my friend with disrespect and they don't want to see it, it's difficult not to draw the line and confront that person who is doing the disprecting. Love blinders are the worst...but, unfortunately, one day it will come to light for that person who is being disrepected, and they will be hurt, and I will be there to comfort them, but I always wish it wouldn't come to that. It's difficult to watch it unfold...
Life goes on regardless...
Stevie
Insane kitty...
Autumn and Pablo
My daughter and her fiance'
About Me
- Live Love Life
- St. Louis, MO, United States
- Writing to release my head, heart, soul...
2 comments:
Lori, you are a dear, wonderful, open hearted individual. One who is always willing to help others no matter what, without expectations, or reasoning’s behind it. You are an unselfish woman in a world of selfish people.
You would step on hot coals for others but not for yourself. KNOW THAT!!
Not that this is wrong, but one day it will hit you that yes you've helped someone else, but look down darlin', LOOK DOWN...
you and only you have the blisters on your feet from those coals.
Not the ones that you helped, over and over again.
Over many years I have tried to lead you, direct you, guide you to make these steps for yourself, not for others, and to this day you are still struggling with this task. Again, not that that is wrong, but to get your life t where you want it, you must steer your own wheel and not others...
I too used to be a giver and not a getter, but have learned myself, that although i love to do good deeds for others, to help everyone out...
And it feels good to do so, it makes my heart solid for doing so, but in the end no one is going to come to my rescue to make my life the way i dream it could be, that only one person can truly make that change, and that would be me. Same for you!!!
So I have become more "for myself", and to some they would say, all he cares about is himself, and that is not true, but there comes a time in every persons life, that you must realize the priorities in life, and that you should have yourself on top of the list.
Lori, put yourself on that list, as #1. Step back from others problems and focus on your own.
You love your family more than anything, you love you friends just as much, as they love you, but i have to ask you, Who do you feel would truly walk on those hot coals for you, and accept the blisters?
I question you more than others only because i have been in you life for so long, that we know each other so well.
I hope you know i have and would again take the blisters for you, you are my best friend, and I love you!
Be strong...
dream for you, not for others...
focus for you, not for others...
succeed for you, not for others...
and you path will become clearer!!
Love always and unconditionally,
Joe
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